He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
