I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
