Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
