If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
