2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
