I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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