If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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