if you like me you must not know who I am
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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