we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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