Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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