I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
