I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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