During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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