well you can't waste a boner
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
