i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
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