don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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