i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
