im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
