idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
