Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
