im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
