dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
