RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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