ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
