We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
