Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm passing your future prison.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
