Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Sext me about skeletons
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
