What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
