Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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