You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
