I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
