Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Randomize
