capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
