Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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