were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
