I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
