I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think my fart just growled at me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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