Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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