U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
There are leaves in my underwear?
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