Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
