I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
