they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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