where am i from again
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
