Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
