If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
