Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
