I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
