made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
