So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
