Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
