glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
