How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
