He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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