I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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