It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
